Rocky Hellsing: The Time Warp
by Torahiko
Summary: Let's do it again! A Rocky Horror parody, with Alucard as Riff Raff, Integra as Magenta, Seras as Columbia, and Walter as The NarratorGuy With No Neck Something strange overcomes the residents of the Hellsing mansion, and it catches everyone off guard!


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Rocky Hellsing: Time Warp   
A Hellsing fan ficton   
By Torahiko   
I do not own Hellsing or anything inherent therein. Please review! 

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Summary: Let's do it again! A Rocky Horror parody, with Alucard as Riff Raff, Integra as Magenta, Seras as Columbia, and Walter as The NarratorGuy With No Neck; Something strange overcomes the residents of the Hellsing mansion, and it catches -everyone- off guard!   


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Alucard grins as he walks down the hallway to his master's office, a rather peculiar feeling overcoming him. He can't quite place it, but the closest description he can think of is an inexplicable desire to sing. This is absurd, obviously, as a vampire of nearly 600 years should have no urge whatsoever to indulge in such human folly as singing. But as he raps his gloved knuckles against the door, another uncharacteristic gesture, he hears in his mind the beginnings of a rather jazzy rock melody. 

"Come in." Integra calls to whomever was knocking, and when she sees Alucard enter, gracefully closing the door behind him, she raises her brows in surprise. "Alucard...why did you use the door?" She scrutinizes him quickly with her eyes. He has a dreamy sort of look about him, which is not like him at all. Alucard steps toward his master, his eyes shining and an intoxicated grin on his lips. Integra rises from her desk, unsure of what has gotten into him. 

"Master...can you hear it?" Alucard speaks to her, raising his hand to his ear as if straining to catch a fleeting whisper of a sound. "Can you hear...the music? It calls to me, Master..." Integra's eyes widen in shock and disbelief. Alucard surely has gone insane! Music? Integra looks around, seeing no record or stereo playing, and she certainly could hear no music. "Alucard...what's going on..." She steps around her desk, but suddenly pauses a moment, as if swept up in a memory. She hears it. A shy guitar melody, swinging and hip like rock. A dark glow seems to come over her eyes, and a similarly absent smile creeps over her lips. She whips her head to look at Alucard, and she nods faintly. He grins and steps toward her again, sliding his hands onto her waist. 

His voice is low, silken and haunting, and as he speaks, his fangs wink and glint at Integra, seducing her. "Will you...my Master..." She raises her hands in front of her, palms outward, as if she is to push Alucard away, and he mimics her movement, his hands hovering across from hers. 

"Yes..." The melody seems to be louder now, manifesting within the very office in which they stood, and it dances in their ears. As if on cue, they touch their palms, bringing their forearms together from their hands to their elbows, and their hands rise into the air. The repeat this rocking motion of their arms again before Alucard lowers his arms. He stands dumbly a moment, the same shimmering darkness having come over his eyes, and he parts his lips as if to speak. 

"It's astounding...time is fleeting..." His eyes float down to capture hers, and his smile widens, as if he were in a serene trance. "Madness...takes its toll..." He suddenly rips his eyes away from her, a pained expression crossing Integra's face as he steps toward the window of her office. They can hear the music clearly now. "But listen closely..." 

"Not for very much longer!" She chimes in, crossing the space between them and standing behind her pet vampire, resting her hands on his shoulders. 

"I've got to..." Alucard whispers as he looks back to his master, and he whips around again, clasping her shoulders and pulling her close. The smell of her platinum hair and the sound of her rushing blood envelop him, and he dips his lips to brush against the skin of her neck. "...keep... control..." Integra moans, her eyelids fluttering with the power that radiates from him, threatening to spill over her art control levels. 

He snaps again, as if awakening from the trance, the sudden frills of a decadent piano cutting through the air, and he spins on the ball of his foot, denying himself the pleasure of her virgin blood. "I remember! Doing the time warp..." He strides to the window at which he once stared longingly as he speaks, and he places his hands against the glass before turning to gaze at his master. "Drinking..." A sudden grin splays itself over his lips, his fangs glinting in the moonlight that streams through the window. "...those moments when..." He steps to her again, speedily, taking her into his arms and bringing his face an inch away from hers. "...the blackness would hit me..." Alucard moans slightly, his eyelids dropping, and Integra sighs as she tilts her head up to meet his gaze. She continues his line, swooning in his arms, whispering "And the void would be calling!" 

Alucard is silent. Integra falls silent as well. And after a moment, they both hear the hurried footsteps of what sounded like a platoon charging to the office door. The two look to each other with knowing glances. The ghost- like music has sped up in tempo and rhythm, clearly playing its jazzy piano -inside- the room, and the door bursts open. What seems like tens of Integra's Hellsing Army soldiers swarm the room, forming two columns on either side of them. They all stomp their feet simultaneously and extend their arms toward the couple, and half sing, half shout, the next line. 

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" 

The rows of soldiers shake their extended hands and repeat the line as Alucard grasps Integra's hips and swings her about him, making her gasp and laugh as her white locks cut the air. 

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" 

At this point, Walter somehow made it into the room after the triumphant chords of the melody have dissipated, and he gasps, leaning his hands on his knees as he catches his breath. The whole room watches him curiously, and the silence seems to pervade the room. Once having regained his composure, Walter's voice rings out in a rich deep tone. "It's just a jump to the left!" 

The whole troupe of soldiers in their lines jumps to their lefts, and Alucard and Integra follow suit, holding their hands together. As she lands, the music continues with a start, and Integra bursts into laughter, her hair slightly disheveled from Alucard's swing. She resets her glasses as Alucard muses over her flushed face. They both sing out, with the soldiers chiming in, "And then a step to the ri-i-i-ight!" Everyone mimics the instructions of the song, extending and tapping the toe of their feet to their rights and back again and again. Their right arms collectively seem to swing out, following the swing of their feet, and the music stops again, having posed each of them, Walter included, in a leg-spreading stance with right arms partially extended. 

Walter shouts again, raising his arms above his head and crossing his wrists. "You put your hands on your hips!" The whole office mimes Walter's pose before shimmying their hands down to their sides in two half circles, placing them on their hips with a forceful motion as the music emphasizes the movement with a small crash of a cymbal. Integra glances to Alucard, having never seen him in any position other than stock-still straight or folded kneeling at her feet. Alucard shoots a grin to his master, his lanky frame seeming very awkward as he pulls his knees together, and he jeers "And bring your knees in ti-iiii-ght!" The music of the office was echoing through each voice, each body following the lead of the others, moving collectively with another definite clash of cymbal. 

Integra reciprocates a sneer to Alucard as she readies herself, and he waits, a feral grin on his lips, to watch her do it. "But it's the pelvic thrust!" She weights the "thrust" with, indeed a pelvic thrust, and the whole room seems to shimmer with an erotic pulse as she and Alucard thrust again and again. Her pet vampire moans at the sight of her exaggerated movement, alluring nonetheless, and he exclaims, "That really drives you insaaaaane!" Integra swings her hips in a circle twice with his words, and he growls wantonly as he follows. The soldiers laugh at themselves and thrust and sway with their commander, and the piano rock is goading them on, making their feet rise in a small hop that rotates their bodies clockwise. They all extend their right arms to an invisible audience, as if to pass an applause to them, and a chilling echo fills the room, rising and falling from each mouth. 

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" 

The room twists again in the opposite motion, raising their left arms to the audience as their movements are reversed, and the soldiers stomp their feet again, déjà vu-ly, while shimmering their hands through the air. The actions repeat themselves. 

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" 

Integra steps out of the twirl, running a hand through her tousled blonde hair. With bangs suddenly blocking her sight, she eyes Alucard as she steps toward him, slinking seductively. "It's so dreamy. Oh fantasy free me!" She throws herself against Alucard's chest, gripping at his tie and the edges of his red duster. She pulls his face close, reversing the roles for once, and whispers "So you can't see me...no, not at all..." Pushing him away, Integra steps to his side, running her hand down the length of his arm, and Alucard eyes his master as she teases him. "In another dimension...with voyeuristic intentions..." She presses the length of her front against his back, and Integra slips her hands onto his chest. "Well secluded...I see all!" Her hands slide down his torso, and they break away from their center route and move to his thighs instead, barely brushing against his pelvis. 

Alucard moans again, the piano and guitar within the room taunting him in his ears, and he swings around to capture his tease. He leers, his eyes dancing with glee. "With a bit of the mind flip..." Integra gasps, tilting her head back as she leans into his hold. Her eyes close, as if waiting for him. "You're into the time slip..." "And nothing..." Alucard whispers as he leans his head forward again, locking his lips against Integra's neck and scraping the skin with his fangs as he presses shivering kisses, murmuring, "...can ever be the same." 

When he finally pierces the skin, the hot blood splashing against his tongue and lips, he surges forward, trembling and growling into her flesh. Integra grits her teeth and arches her back against him, gasping, her heart fluttering as a heat washes over her. "You're spaced out on sensation!" Alucard continues lapping feverishly at the pinprick wounds until he forces himself to pull away, groaning as he howls his desire. "Like you're under sedaaaatioooon!" Mouth bared open, his fangs glint under the light of the office, drawing some hushed looks from the soldiers around them before the jump to the next line. Literally. They jump, addressing the audience with their right arms again. 

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" 

Everyone, sans the sated Alucard and keeling Integra, goes through the customary rotation and counter-rotation, almost seeming like the luring dances of mateship. 

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" 

With a stomping of her own, Seras Victoria enters the room, red eyes glittering as she watches the goings-on before her. As the piano jazzes up, she hops right into the middle of the two columns, standing before her master Alucard, and begins singing in a high-pitched tone, her eyes locked onto his. "Well I was walkin' down the street, just'a havin' a think..." Seras saunters, hands on her hips, over to Alucard, whom in turn sneers luridly and drops her a wink before taking a gaunt step forward also. "...when this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink!" Alucard grins, one of his fangs dropping to brush his bottom lip in his signature seductive smirk, and he takes another step, enough to bridge the gap between him and the police girl. 

"He shook'a me up! He took me by surprise!" Seras squeals as Alucard proceeds to grasp her shoulders and sway her sideways, catching her with one arm against the small of her back. Face hovering low against hers, Alucard grins again and licks the cooling blood from his pale lips, his crimson eyes swimming with the drink. "He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes!" Seras then pulls herself out of the trance, spinning away from her master. "He stared at me, and I felt a change..." She shook her head as if to clear the fog from her mind, and she turns to cast one last look at Alucard before joining Walter's side. "Time meant nothing! Never would again!" She grins as she twirls with the troupe. 

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" 

Alucard trails his lip with his finger before stepping to Integra again. Seeing that she seems to have recovered, he offers his arm for her to take as the soldiers counter-twirl again, and she indeed takes it, ice blue eyes glinting as they look up at the raven-haired monster. 

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" 

Seras helps to lead the group with Walter this time, and they signal the room together with a jump. Walter shouts more vibrantly, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "It's just a jump to the left!" 

JUMP! The whole room seems to bounce with the force of approximately thirty people, and they all swing their legs to the right, Seras bubbling with joyful glee. "And then a step to the ri-i-i-ight!" "You put your hands on your hips!" Walter continues, and Seras and the others raise their wrists before shimmying their hands to their waists. Alucard, at this point, has positioned himself right in front of his master Integra, and he leers at her flushing face as she realizes what will happen next. He calls out, his voice booming "And bring your knees in tiiiight!" 

Seras pitches her voice now, leading the room's gaudy dance. "But it's the pelvic THRUST!" She closes her eyes as she sways and pulses her hips. Alucard is thrusting far enough that he barely brushes against Integra's hips, and she moans with the scant contact, his eyes holding her gaze as they make love with the air between them. She gasps for breath, "That really drives you insaaane!" Alucard howls as he breaks and pulls her close, crushing her lips against his and clasping his hands into her back to press them closer, and his hips continue the thrust, eliciting more shy moans from his delicious master. 

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" 

Walter laughs with Seras as they dance and twirl, the girl's golden hair gleaming with damp sweat. The music rises to a chilling crescendo. 

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" 

Alucard takes Integra's balance and leads her to the floor, pinning his lips against hers still as his tongue searches for entry. Squirming under him, Integra sighs and lets out a small, surprised squeak as she feels his gloved hand press itself against her clothed breast. The piano warps and collapses upon itself, the guitar melody quickly expiring as well, the sound causing everyone in the room to comically fall to the ground. Alucard finally withdraws his lips, reattaching them against her neck like a leech, and Integra cries out again, half pushing him away and pulling him closer at the sensation. 

Silence befalls the room again, save the gentle rustling of fabric coming from Alucard's wrestle with his beautiful master. The sound dies as well with a quick click sound. "Alucard..." Integra's voice strained itself as she kept her composure, her silver gun against his temple suddenly. 

"...Yes Master?" 

"What in Hell was that!" 

Alucard smirks as he leans his face ever-so-slightly forward to brush his nose against Integra's, and he whispers matter-of-factly, "Why, Master. It was the Time Warp..." His notorious grin let silence settle for a moment before a loud explosion rings against the walls, and Alucard's body flies into the wall, slumping with both legs in the air. He almost looks as if he's sitting -on- the wall. Integra lifts herself from the floor and nudges one of the soldiers, who quickly awakens. 

"Take him back to his chamber..." Integra orders, and the soldiers rise from their confused stupor and take a hold of the hole-gaping but satisfactorily smirking Alucard and lift him from the floor. The slowly trudge out of the room, but not before the vampire can tip his hat to his master and let a cackle rip through the air. 

Integra sighs as she stomps the floor beside Seras. The girl leaps and looks around fearfully, finding Sir Integra glaring down at her. "Eep!" She picks Walter up, who begins waking, and carefully walks him out of her office. 

The room finally vacant of the living (and the dead), Integra sits in her chair again, idly fingering the pierce marks on her neck. She smirks to herself as she hears the echoes of the jazz guitar tickle her ear, and she closes her eyes. Nothing... will ever be the same. 

-Owari-

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So how was it? I love Rocky Horror, and especially the Time Warp! You Rocky fans should know these lyrics on sight! 

And in case you have NO idea what's going on, check out and you'll learn soon enough. 

This was definitely fun to write! Keep a look out for more fanfics by, yours truly: 

-Torahiko-

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